Don't Ask

In a busy Parisian cafe, a tourist is sitting alone, enjoying a crème caramel. Another tourist approaches: Me sit here?No problem...Thank you, very nice...Are you on vacation?Me, I arrive yesterday...What country are you from?Norway. You?From Québec .Quebec? Me not know Québec ...Québec... near the Atlantic, next to Ontario , the Great Lakes ..No, me not know these places.Never mind then, I'm from Canada ...Ah! Canada ! Canada I know! So why you tell me you come from Québec ?Because, my first country is Québec ! Oh, you were born in Québec and immigrated to Canada ...No, no, I was born in Québec and I stay in Québec ..Oh, then your father is from Canada ?No, no, my father, my mother, my wife, my dog, everybody, they come from Quebec So why you say Canada ?For Christ sake, because you say you don't know where is Québec !OK, but if you say you not know Norway, me I not say that my country is Japan...Shit! Canada isn't Japan . Canada , it's my country. Oh, your country not Québec anymore?...My country is Québec . But my country, it can be Canada too, if the person I speak to not know where is Québec , Tabarnak!Me not understand... Look, it's simple: I come from the Province of Québec , in the country of Canada .Ok! But me not ask you what province you're from, I ask you what country. Me, I come from Lofoten region in Norway , but I answer you Norway when you ask me what country I come from... I know, I'm not stupid, Calisse! But me, when they ask me what country I come from, I answer Québec . Even if it's the name of my province. For me, it's my country. Oh, now I understand. You are a separatist, you want your Québec province to be your country...Are you crazy, Hostie? I don't want to know nothing from that shit!Me, I not understand anything anymore. I tell you before, it's simple! You ask me what country I come from, I answer Québec because Québec is my country, but I don't really want it to be my country, it would be too much trouble. I just want to say it. So, why don't you just let me say it? Me all mix up. You have passport from what country: Québec or Canada ?CANADA, Stie!So why you not tell me Canada right away?Because it don't feel right. For me, Canada is Anne Murray, the Calgary Stampede, the Mounted Police, SARS, it's not my home all that. Home, it's La Famille Plouffe, Séraphin Poudrier, La P'tite Vie, Félix Leclerc, La Poune, Les Canadiens de Montréal, Les Bougons... Do you understand???
Less and less... Listen, forget all that shit. Ask me another question.Ok, what town you come from?Mmm..., I don't know anymore...You not know what town you come from?Yes, yes, I know what town I come from, but my town it merge with another town, but soon it is going to demerge from the town that was supposed to be my town... Oh, that very complicated! When you write your address, what do you write?I don't know anymore. Before, I used to write Hull , but Hull changed to Gatineau , but they tell us to wait 3 years before stopping to write Hull to not mix up the mailman. But now, the Liberals they pass a law that make it ok for Gatineau to be Hull again, but I don't know if we have to wait 3 years to be able to write Hull, or when the 3 years are passed, if we have to write Gatineau for 3 years, and after we write Hull. Unless, of course, the PQ come back in power and we remerge with Gatineau , then we'll have to write Gatineau for 3 years.
I leave now; I have hurt in my head...It's so simple Tabarnak: My town is Hull , my country is Quebec . But if you prefer, my town is Gatineau and my country is Canada .
OK, I think I understand!It's about time. Anyway, it was fun talking to you, if you come around where I live; maybe you come and see me... OK, but where? Hull in Quebec or Gatineau in Canada ?You're a pain in the ass. Forget the whole thing!.. It is confusing even for us Quebecers and Canadians!