But I Look Great in a Kilt

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.

"He can play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. The guitar man pays up his $50.

Another guy walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Louis Armstrong. The guy pays up his $50.

Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He puts them down and the octopus fumbles with them for a minute and then sits down with a confused look.

"Ha Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye canny plae it, can ye?"

The octopus looks up at him and says..."Play it??? I'm going to *#@# it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."