Monday, June 29



Confession

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional.

She says, "Father, I never wear underwear under my habit."

The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."

Sunday, June 28

Here comes Summer


http://www.montrealjazzfest.com/default-en.aspx

Saturday, June 27

Hang em all

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course.


The public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."

Friday, June 26

What a Week


All the words have been spoken and expressed (good, bad and thought)
Thank-you Ed, thank-you Farah and thank-you Michael

Wednesday, June 24

And the Beat goes on (CJAD news)

The tumult of air-horns, drums and angry shouts from a dozen people at a Fete nationale concert in Montreal on Tuesday didn't stop two English bands from energizing the crowd.

Anglophone performers Bloodshot Bill and Lake of Stew drew loud cheers at the end of their sets after some hardline Quebec nationalists tried to disrupt their performances.

Earlier this month, the appearance of the groups' names on posters for the free outdoor show triggered debate in the province as to whether anglophones should play a role in celebrating Fete nationale also known as St-Jean-Baptiste Day.

Some nationalists warned the event, dubbed L'Autre St-Jean, could erupt into violence if the Anglo acts were allowed to go on.

But on Tuesday, with only a handful of demonstrators openly opposed to the English musicians and a heavy police presence, the ruckus never got out of control.

Still, with the enraged chants of ``Le St-Jean, en francais!'' Lake of Stew frontman Richard Rigby wasn't sure what to expect when his Montreal band hit the stage.

``It was a little nerve-racking at first, there was one guy who came and got up in our face there for a little bit,'' Rigby said after his performance.

``We were asked to just be aware that the crowd was going to be a little bit crazy.''

By the time Bloodshot Bill started playing, the crowd had swelled to over 1,000, which drowned out the protesters. Some of the demonstrators who had booed Lake of Stew danced to Bloodshot Bill's rockabilly tunes with other party-goers.

The show, headlined by prominent francophone rockers Malajube and Vincent Vallieres, was hyped as an alternative to Montreal's larger annual St-Jean-Baptiste Day bash.

Lake of Stew and Bloodshot Bill were nearly dropped from the bill earlier this month after the sponsor, l'Association culturelle Louis-Hebert, reportedly threatened to pull its funding from the event because they sing in English.

The association told C4 Productions, the promoter that booked the Anglo bands, that it disagreed with the show's philosophy.

But C4 Productions stood by its choices.

For Rene Boulanger, a member of the nationalist group Reseau de Resistance du Quebecois, English bands don't belong at St-Jean-Baptiste Day events.

``The No. 1 goal of Fete nationale is to integrate all the communities around one common language, which is called French,'' said Boulanger, who climbed a metal barrier in front of the stage Tuesday and heckled Lake of Stew shortly after they started playing.

``We have to respect the Quebecois culture.''

Christian Bergevin, who proudly flipped ``the bird'' at Lake of Stew band members during their set, said there are only one or two days a year when Quebecers can truly feel like francophones.

``It's for all Quebecers, but it should be in French,'' he said of Fete nationale.

``Anyone can come here, they're all welcome, but I hope it's in French.''

But many sovereigntists in the province defended the promoter's decision to include English bands in their lineup, saying anglophones have deep roots in Quebec.

Rigby, meanwhile, said the band would love to play at next year's event.

He said he understands that the ``hard-core'' opponents in the crowd feel their culture and language is threatened.

``If you want to preserve your culture you can't keep your culture in a little glass box,'' Rigby said behind the stage after the show as he sipped beer from a plastic cup.

``We're part of the culture, we live here, our music comes from here.

``Next year we hope that it's normal, we hope that it's not even an issue.''

Mes Chers Amiee

It's a wonderful day to celebrate Imperial Expansionism, colonial misunderstandings with native peoples, and an ongoing confused culture who thinks they're under attack from a group that doesn't give a la la laI hope everyone enjoys the Feast Day of St. John the Baptist. Especially here in Quebec...
(Thanks to John Collette he wrote it I simply enjoyed & pass it on for you)

Thursday, June 18

No $ for PETA this year



http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105574084

Wednesday, June 17

Wow !!! Fast Food


A dine-and-dash turned into a dine-and-crash at an IHOP in Detroit. Four women tried to run out on their pancake bill early yesterday morning. Their waitress chased them out of the door and into the parking lot but the four jumped into a car and tried to speed away. That part of their plan didn't go so well. The woman driving lost control and crashed the car through the restaurant's wall. The 19-year old was arrested and charged with dangerous driving. Her father says she had 200-dollars cash on her and it was her friends' idea to skip out on the bill.

Saturday, June 13

Big Cup o' Coke


You're at the movies and got to know when to "go"?
http://runpee.com/#app=3e1a&e1bd-RunPeeID=181.264.0&26f3-selectedIndex=0

Fore !!


Phil and Dave went for a game of golf one Saturday afternoon, but Phil was under strict instructions from his wife to be back by four o'clock because she wanted him to take her shopping. Four o'clock passed, so did five o'clock and six o'clock. Eventually Phil arrived home at seven.

"Where on earth have you been?" she screamed.

"Honey," said Phil, "a terrible thing happened. We made it to the first green when Dave dropped dead of a heart attack."

The wife felt guilty. "That's awful," she said.

"You're telling me," said Phil. "The rest of the round it was hit the ball, drag Dave, hit the ball, drag Dave . . ."

You Know Your're A


Just some fun for Montrealers and X Montrealers alike, enjoy
http://www.golding.ca/maggie/archives/000497.html

Tuesday, June 9

So your over Forty


There are many things that confuse me.
The first one is the black box, that device that records multi events that take place on an air craft and is often crucial in determining the reason (reasons) for an aircraft disaster. The black box will “ping” for thirty days in order to aid in its retrieval. We live in a satellite age why can’t the information in that box be ascertained using that technology. That being said my heart, thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and families of those who perished in the recent Air France disaster.
My second inquiry is that of the prostate exam, we can pass a micro type tube through the chest to repair a damaged heart, but the most proficient technique of examining the delicate male gland is for the most part proceeded my the snap of a rubber glove

Sunday, June 7

Makes your Bum Sore



They came by the thousands. They wore a variety of clothing (some should have worn more) It was the annual Tour de L’Isle bicycle extravaganza.
They don’t have licenses, most don’t wear helmets, and on a given day most are scoff laws of the road. Montreal’s annual bicycle tour was today. They closed dozens and dozens of streets and rerouted dozens of bus routes, There is no charity raising money, nothing but ‘good ol family fun” I believe they should take the opportunity to raise safety awareness, but oh no lets just hand the streets over to the nar do wells (for the most part) bicyclists do not obey rules of the road, have to prove their abilities, or ever think about stopping at a red light or stop sign, but heaven forbid because of some ones stupidly I have a new hood ornament.
Ok I feel better….have a great Velo Day
http://www.veloquebec.info/feria/index_e.php?page=infocirculation
P.S. One of the sponsors for this event is my employer
http://www.jeancoutu.com
But it was fun to watch. They were serving slushies wine coolers & beer at the dep, and FM 94.3 was here. So I guess it was cool :) so was the wine cooler.

Friday, June 5

Thats Just not Right


A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."

The man said, "No problem."

With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.

The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."

With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

Even after Two Years

Today I had occasion to visit my last store in my Astral career, store #708 in Pointe Claire.
When I arrived I was pleased to see familiar faces. There was a face however I did not recognize. After a few minutes she asked my name. When I told her she said “Wow Ive heard about you from so many customers."
A blushable moment.