Yeah for the Weekend

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants."Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out and I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."He leans over to her and says..."You never told me that your father is a pharmacist!"

A Minister, a Priest, and a Rabbi

A minister, a priest and a rabbi were enjoying the serenity of a country dipping pond.
Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, a group of very old ladies from town approached them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied... "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my FACE that they would recognize."

Wow !! Thats a lot of Candles

It’s Sept 23rd and I guess, well I know I made it to another B Day.
Happy Birthday to me.
(And to my Jewish readers, Happy Rosh Shanah)

A B C D F E G .....

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

A Summer Groaner

Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.
After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent. In 1997, Father Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer last rights to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye. The high silver content in the mine's air gave him purpura, a life-long condition characterized by purplish skin blotches.
Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders agree: he will never ascend to the Papacy.
No one wants a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple Papal leader.

I Told Ya So

An elderly lady on a cruise ship wanders up to the bar and asks for a scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday, and it's today."
The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the lady to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink too."
The elderly matron says, "Why, thank you. Bartender, I would like a scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one as well."
The lady says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of water."
"Comin' right up." As he puts the drink down in front of her, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The 80 year-old replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue."

Let's Not do THIS Again !

It started Friday. Dave (my brother) and I left for the Verdun General around 10:15, arriving there at about 10:40. We checked in at the nurse’s station where they weighed me and made sure I had a valid Medicare Card. I was given a “Johnny” coat, and told to wait. They hooked me to an antibiotic drip in preparation of the adventure. After about two hours I was wheeled into the operating room where I received an epidural. I was eased onto the operating table and it was there I realized I would be able to watch the whole thing on a monitor. I watched as Dr, probed and scraped with various tools of various length and use. When the operation was done I was in recovery until the epidural was wore off ( about two hours) and then brought to my room, just in time for supper, oh goody salmon something or other. At least the dessert was good. That night I was hooked up too another antibiotic drip and glucose thing. Flash forward to Sunday, at about six AM they removed the catheter and was told that when I could “go” on my own I could go home. Dave picked me up around eleven and here I am now. I still for now pee a little blood, and there is some leakage. Both of these are expected. I am sure there are details I’ve forgotten, but there you are … sketch. Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers.

See Ya Soon

It’s just about 9:00 and in just a little over an hour Dave will get me to the Verdun General Hospital for the “big day” I guess surgery will happen between eleven and twelve. All signs point to a two or three day stay and home for a while after that, back to work I suppose. For those of you who have encouraged me and said prayers, thank-you. I’ll be back and blogging soon.

9/11

....................I remember where I was ..... you ? .................

Blowing Out a Candle

Today is a special day. Today is the one year anniversary of this blog page.
Today I was sitting in my brother’s home office in beautiful Edmonton and though, what the heck . So I hope you have enjoyed reading this blog, the bad news with the good. And of course all of the excellent jokes.
Here is the link to the first entry http://keiththoughts.blogspot.com/2005/09/hi-well-this-blog-thing-is-new-to-me.html
So I’ll try to keep writing and you try to keep reading. For those of you who left comments, thanks.

Ya want Fries With That ?

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senior, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

Who's Shy Anymore ?

Today I was at the Verdun General for my pre op tests (thanks to Norm for the transport)
Amazingly organized, I went to all necessary departments with fantastic ease and facility.
At he end of it all a very kind nurse who explained to me, all of the steps I could expect pre, and post operation. Not one question was left unanswered. When my blood pressure recorded border line she phoned the doctor for a consult and he said “lets go ahead as scheduled”) I did have one special question I needed answered and as this is a family rated blog I will not go into details here. (if you wanna know drop me a line)
Next Thursday I have to pass for more blood tests and then Friday is THE day so cross your fingers.
I should be in the hospital for maybe two days then home for maybe two weeks.
My brother Dave is coming in from Edmonton to help me so it’s all good.
TTFN

My Friend .... Wayne

Today is a very reflective day for me.
Today (well tomorrow) marks the forth anniversary of the death of my very best friend Wayne. I knew Wayne for at least forty years. I was Wayne’s day camp counselor for crying out loud. We laughed together, wept together, and he was the best friend a guy could ask for. I was an usher at his wedding to Jocelyn and remember fondly buying a few stuffed toys for his first born Terry. His daughter Wendy Elizabeth is possibly the sweetest girl a dad could ask for. Oh there were times I am sure Wendy could have crowned her pop but at the end of the day she was daddy’s little girl.
I also remember the ice storm of ’98, while everyone else was moaning and bitching Wayne and family threw a party, food on the barby and a huge fire in the fireplace and everyone signing and laughing
A party at Wayne’s was never a small affair, usually a mere twenty or thirty people were there. Everyone was feed and watered and Wayne always had time for everyone. Little kids were attracted to Wayne’s lap like metal to a magnet. He could cook like a madman. He had a laugh that could make you laugh and a smile that was contagious. Many times he was my rock and crying shoulder, and practiced the “you have two ears and one mouth use them it that proportion” syndrome. Wayne door was always open and the tea like magic tea was only moments away. He treated friends like family and family like gold. One would be hard pressed to find a person who had a bad thing to say about Wayne.
One of my fondest memories was being at The Brookes for Christmas Eve when it was my pleasure to read from the Bible the Christmas story and Wayne read the Twas the Night before Christmas. After Wayne’s death it became my honor to read the very same. At the dinner table as it should be Wayne sat at the head of the table. That place is now reserved for me. Years have gone by but Jocelyn, Terry and Wendy keep all of these fine traditions, thank you
I wrote a few words to speak at Wayne’s funeral but a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes prevented me from speaking. The turn out was huge, lots and lots of family but amazingly an unbelievable turn out of Terry and Wendy’s friends, probably the first funeral service for many for you see Wayne was like a dad. It was rare that you went to the Brookes household and one of the friends weren’t there.
I am sad that he is gone and miss him greatly but feel rich for having him as a friend……….. my best friend.
Rest well Wayne

Hope Springs Eternal

As I stare out my window from my apartment I see that the weather for the second day in a row is overcast & dull. Kids from the local high school were lined up to get into the “dep” across the street to get their sugar fix for lunch. Although trees are still green and warm tempts are still in the air, I can feel the coming of fall. Perhaps I speak too soon the first day of fall is some three weeks away and snow at least five weeks away.
But then again there is Indian Summer
http://www.crh.noaa.gov/dtx/stories/i-summer.php
And I don’t rake leaves.

Check Please

A new, inexperienced waitress said she was concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them. A co-worker explained that there were tray stands placed throughout the restaurant.

The nervous beginner served all her lunches successfully and afterward asked an elderly couple if everything had been all right.

"It was fine, dear," replied the man, "but my wife and I have to leave now. Could she please have her walker back?"

Yeah !! Its a Holiday

Today is a glorious day indeed. It is a day reserved on the first Monday of September for all to enjoy the last long week end of the summer. Most of us are our off work and it is also the last day that retail will be closed for business till December 25th. I believe there is a “Labour Day” in most corners of the world, but today is ours. So let’s all hold hands and dance around the maypole. If you worked today then bravo for you I hope you are earning triple time and if not …. A pox on your employer.

As I have reserved Sept 6th for a very special entry blog here is my monthly 6th of the month blog suggestion: www.darwinawards.com you won’t believe the stories there.

Happy Labour Day

Daisy, Daisy

So, bite me.
Bicyclists are demanding respect on the road. Well like Eric (my dad) and George (his dad)said, respect isn’t a commodity demanded but a privilage earned.
The last time I checked no two peddler I know paid a license to ride on the road, that makes him my guest, not my equal. The last I checked I stopped at a red light or a stop sign, don’t think Harry on the bike did. I do up my seat belt, Harry and a helmet?? don’t think so. And why is it when there is a perfectly usable bike path adjacent (and certainly safer) to the road where I am traveling do they insist on using the road and then getting upset because I travel close to their path.. Signal their intent, not a chance. The sidewalk …of course they can bike there, wrong way on a one way street, why not. I agree lets give bicyclists a break, and let’s let them take driving courses, and lets let them pay a license, and lets let them be subject to ticketing, and let’s ….. well you get the idea.

On the First Day of Christmas.....

September to me means that summer is done.
School is back, and tree hewers are getting ready for the Yule time,
so I officially vote for a 45 day August