Apt. # 4

When I returned home from the Brookes Sunday night there were two ambulances at the Centrale Street entrance of my apartment building. When I got to my floor the hallway had several people crowded outside the entrance of one of the buildings tenants.

Yesterday I learned that the single dweller of the apartment, had passed away.

He had no relatives here, and such positions etc etc will be taken care of by the Quebec government.

I seldom saw him and when I did we didn’t even exchange “hello” nods, but he was a human being.

RIP

QUESTION !!!

If money ... doesn't grow on trees ... why do banks have branches ??

Fore !!

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.

"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.

"Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"

The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."

Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"

"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."

"Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"

The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem."

Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"

"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is flourescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."

Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"

The other guy replies, "I found it."

Glad I bought a Honda

A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want to print: Bernie is dead."

The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words."

The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale."

Memory Lane

Well I never had two hours go by that quickly before. As you read on a previous entry today Lawrence and I co hosted a portion of the krk radiophone (see January 25) We had such a good time we chatted about everything and more. Joe Deleronde was there Gene Gene was there Stompin PAT was there Big Jim and Naughty Nat as well,and in the pic The Mighty St. Lawrence (of Mix 96 & CHOM fame)
It was a super time and the memories wow!!

Giddy Up

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her
car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a
ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and then rode
off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would
let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding
hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service
station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the
service-station attendant.

"Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my
arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall
off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

WoW

Ecclesiastes3. 1-8

Guess What ?

As far as I know

Skepticisms is the longest word (in the English language) that alternates hands when typing!)

"There's a Tear in my Beer"

Some years ago I had the privilege of hosting a weekend country radio show on 50 watt CKRK located on the Kahnawake reserve on the south shore of Montreal. The stories could fill a book. This week end to mark the twenty-fifth anniversary of the station some of the past announcers will be co hosting a local telethon. For now I am scheduled to be on air with my buddy Lawrence, Saturday morning from ten till noon. The station with listening capabilities @ http://www.k103radio.com/

Oh the blog title is one of the most requested songs sung by Hank Williams Jr.

No Way !!

http://www.morticom.com/truestoriesstupiditlaws.htm

"Le" Collection

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it ... mainly because it was a so-so job. Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting. Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice too my life but I just didn't have the thyme. I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard. My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience. Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it. My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

A Stinker for '07

One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all."


So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week.

A week later the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!"

The doctor replies, "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"

The Ladle ???

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So, he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John"

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

Udder Fun

A man and his wife were going to a costume party at a rural mansion. Just in sight of the mansion, the car broke down. They decided to walk.
Since the shortest distance was across a pasture and they were going as a cow, they decided on the short cut. About halfway across the pasture, they ran into a bull who became very "interested." The husband, who was in the back, said, "What shall we do now?"
The wife, who was in front, said, "I'm going to put my head down and make believe I'm eating grass. You had better brace yourself."

Global WHAT ??

Good day
The beginning of winter ’07 brought warmer and snow less conditions to much of the east coast areas of Canada and the North East quadrant of the United States, Today however it’s bitterly cold and uncomfortably windy. Winds from the north east blowing off the St. Lawrence River where I live makes even the short walk to the local store difficult. Global warming? I think not just a slow start to a Canadian annual event. I hate to disappoint the nay sayers but the globe MAYBE warming but I’m freezing my tail off here in Quebec today

What a Day

When I arrived at the store Thursday morning I learned that Fuji Film had decided to divest themselves of all retail operations. This means that as it is known Blacks (the parent company of Astral for whom I have worked for 33 years) will cease to exist. They have started the purge at the head office in Markham Ontario. Many will be offered a voluntary exit package of up to seventy-five weeks of compensation. You see although the store chain shrunk year after year the Support Centre remained basically untouched. For the present time my position seems safe.

Ten minutes after that news I received a call from Canada Trust,(Toronto Dominion Bank) that my access card had been cloned and two hundred dollars had been stolen from my account.

Clean up on Asile Four

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying, and the husband is obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible......anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome anymore at Home Depot, either."

That's Just Mean

A wife was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. Her husband walks in and asks "What's for breakfast?"

She turns to him and says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

He, thinking it's his lucky day, he stands her over at the kitchen table and they have sex.

Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?"

She says "The egg timer's broken!"

Something Evil This Way Comes

We have had it made in the shade this winter, warm temps, and reflections on money wasted on snow tires ( well if I had bought any) Tomorrow however we are predicted to receive 10 cms of the white stuff ( snow not cocaine)
So we will be up & at it early. Wouldn’t wanna be late for work

A Second for the Month

http://www.wackywarnings.com/

Political Correctness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaIvTjwFTMU

A Saturday Smile

The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed. She asked for a little warm milk to sip so a nun went to the kitchen to warm some milk.

Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Mother drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

"Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some wisdom before you die!"

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face, and pointing out the window she said, "Don't sell that cow!"

Keith's Pick of the Month

It's the 6th of the month and as promised here is my pick...
Enjoy
http://www.yd.com/test.aspx?path=stream539

Giddy Up

The cowboy walked into the tack shop. "How much for a pair of spurs?" he asked the sales clerk.

"Forty dollars."

The cowboy looked in his wallet, thought for a moment, then pulled out a twenty. "I'll take one spur."

"What'll you do with just one?" the clerk asked.

The cowboy replied, "I figger if I can get one side of the horse movin', the other side s'll go too."

2007 ....No Way !!!

Well we made it, or I hope at least I hope you did, it’s 2007.

Much preverbal water has passed under the bridge and here we are 2007. So much has happened some of it good, some not so good. We as humans tend to focus on the not so good.

This year has been mixed for me; the prostate thing really knocked me out but the support from friends & family more then compensated for the down side.

I hope your’06 wasn’t too grief filled and that the positives out weighted the bad column

I imagine it is easy to spread a happy message and pretend that all is shinny & bright, in truth reality demands that bad things happen and we are directed more readily to these matters.

I wish you a better 2007 then was 2006, may the joys you had be doubled and the sorrows reduced. However with out sorrow we can not recognize the joys

May 2007, bring you’re the joy, mixed with the challenges you need to recognize the upside

Here's a Thought...Break the Sticks

There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did.

Various attempts were made to do something about the child. One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.

A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions.

The third person offered the neighbours plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book; a fifth gave the neighbours books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; a sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked.

Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what is INSIDE that drum?"

No more problem.

Obtainable Goals

Having just crossed over the precipice of a New Year, I find myself reflecting on obtainable goals.

Friends have expressed their resolutions for 2007 I am sure that this time in 2008 they will be beating themselves for not having been able to keep the promises they made to themselves. Not having attained their objectives they hang their heads in shame and weep.

That having been said here I list my resolutions, if I am unable to perform there will be no tears.

Here is my list
1) Gain Forty Pounds
2) Shower only ever 3 days
3) Take up smoking
4) Have unprotected sex
5) Go into work late
6) Fast food……..everyday!!!

Ok four outta six

Happy ’07 again,
Keith