See Below

TMI= To Much Information

TMI

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

Ouch !!!!!!

Two little boys were in the hospital awaiting for their operations. The first little boy says to the second little boy "What are you in here for?"

The second boy says, "Oh, I have to have my tonsils out and I am so scared!"

"Oh, don't worry, it's a piece of cake," said the first boy, " I had mine out last year and I got lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It was fantastic!"

Then the second boy asked, "What are you in for?"

"I have to be circumcised," said the first boy.

"Oh man," exclaimed the second boy, "they did that to me when I was born and I didn't walk for a year!"

Polly Wanna a .....

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.


On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"

She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot.

"Hey, lady!" it said.

"Yes?"

"You know."

I Forgot (almost)

I almost forgot all about this:

http://www.picturetrail.com/shawman

Keith's Wednesday Pick

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.


Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."

Tickets Please

When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theatre, he walked over and whispered, "Sorry sir, but you are allowed only one seat."

The man moaned but didn't budge.

"Sir," the usher said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll have to call the manager."

The man moaned again but stayed where he was.

The usher left and returned with the manager, who, after several attempts at dislodging the fellow, called the police. The cop looked at the reclining man and said, "All right, what's your name, joker?"

"Joe", he mumbled.

"And where are you from, Joe?"

Joe responds painfully, "The balcony!"

A shrimp on the Bar B

Ok boys get it straight. It's summer the weather RULES I don't care if you quit politics. I could care less who takes your place.

I Need a Life

Keith's site for the month

http://www.singlegrain.com/blog/301-useless-facts/

Yet Another Anniversary

Today marks the third anniversary of the passing of a true Montreal legend.
George Balkin was a brilliant broadcaster. He served many radio stations in Canada but I will always remember him in the morning slot on CJAD 800
He was a wonderful man, a real Montrealer , thank you George

Busy Busy

Today was super

The temps went over 15, just a slight north east breeze made windbreaker necessary, but summer is the air.

I went to Best Buy today to buy a mini stereo for the house, an hour later it was back to Best Buy to return it. You see my apartment is cursed, radio reception is terrible. I guess it may take a while to get a unit with a perfect antenna system.

Tomorrow it’s off to replace the windshield in the car. A small crack started about a year ago. Now it’s grown to three times it size and has a twin about the same size on the driver’s side.

It also looks as if I will book a flight to Edmonton to go and see my brother. I have gotten use to flying WestJet and will fly with them this time.

I guess that’s it for now.

The Final Curtin

Tonight there was a farewell dinner for stores closing and associates who through attrition were losing there jobs. There were smiles and laughs as well as tears and HUGE hugs of which I received many. I was grateful for it all thank you 708 .
Hugs back to you all

Desiderata

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.


Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.


With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Staying Fit

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 30 pounds!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from all dat f***in' 'skippin' " the Irishman said.