Look Ma, no Crutches

Well a few days have passed and my leg feels much better. Old bones heal slow, but they do heal.
I probably won’t win the Chicken Dance tonight at the residence (heheheheh) but it’s nice not to have to be a contortionist to put my sock on.
As 2005 draws to a quick close I am grateful for lots of stuff. There is lots that could be better, such as I think I threw out all my knives with past pizza boxes, but that’s what 1$ stores are for.
May your 2006 be filled with joy and happiness; I wish you smoke in your chimney (that’s for the Scots reading here) and an extra potato in the pot in case I come for a visit.
Bless you all

hang fire …. be cool

Sometimes Things Don't Happen in Threes

Well…….here we go.
I was scheduled to start work at 8:30 today, as there was some extra work to be done I decided that I should start at 7:30. In as much as there was a freezing rain warning in effect to the greater Montreal area, I determined that leaving a little earlier would be a good idea, the end result being that I arrived at the Mall at 6:30. On the way into the center I found the only piece of ice that ( I guess) hadn’t been salted and promptly fell on my knee. After some time I was able to right myself, picked up a coffee and got into the store. I checked the Email to find we were to receive sixty-five boxes of merchandise (things get better and better) at about 8:30 I was phoned by a part timer who would be unable to come into work. After a series of calls I was able to procure a partial replacement for his shift.
I am at home now, where as my knee isn’t too sore bending my leg is an impossible task.
I was also told that I can look forward to some pain tomorrow.
Oh well ….
Get well wishes may be left in the comment section
Heheheheh

History Repeats Itself 8, 7, 6, 5, 4 ......

This is amazing

http://www.astrodigital.org/space/stshorse.html

Happy Boxing Day

A man is softly playing the piano one night in a downtown bar.
In walks an elephant, sits down by the piano and while listening begins to cry.
"There, there", says the pianist, "do you recognize the song?"
"Oh no", said the elephant, "I recognize the piano keys".

..and there were in the same country, sheppards

Sing it Santa

http://www.reuters.hu/card_dom/index_content.html

Luke 2, Verses 1-19

Hello….
It the evening of December 22nd , in just days we will be absorbed in the events of Christmas .
In years past ( and for many) I have had the pleasure of reading with the Brookes family the Christmas story, and in that spirit I invite you to do the same
God bless you all
Merry Christmas

T.G.I. Monday

A man was out on the ocean and caught in a raging storm. His boat was capsized and he was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day while sitting on the beach he saw a speck in the distance.
"Could that be a boat?" he said. As he watched the speck came closer. "No", he said, "maybe it is a raft." The speck came closer and suddenly a gorgeous blonde came out of the water in a wet suit and walked up on shore.
She said, "How long have you been here?" He replied, "Ten years."
She said, "How long has it been since you had a cigarette?" He replied, "Ten years."
She unzipped a pocket in her right sleeve and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and handed them to him. He lit up and said, "Oh....this is great!"
Then she said, "How long has it been since you had a drink?" He replied again, "Ten years."
She unzipped a pocket on her left side and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He took a drink and said, "Oh...wonderful!!"
Then she began to unzip the big zipper down the front of her wet suit and she said,
"How long has it been since you " played around?"
He looked at her wide eyed and exclaimed, "Don't tell me you have a set of golf clubs in there?"

Tons of Fun

@ http://www.devilducky.com/all/

The Day After

Well, the final count for yesterday was 41 cms of snow. At one point the storm produced 10 cms per hour
This morning cars are parked where they should be or snugly jammed in a place they had personalized previously.
Mountains of snow are over 10 feet high, and faithful wives clear driveways so hubby can get the kids off to hockey practice.
I am very very lucky that I live in an apartment and the building has a contractor to clear away the mess so all I have to do is brush off the car & warm it up.
Statistics will probably show that this is one of the "best" storms we have had since March ‘71
Let’s hope we don’t have to wait another 30+ years for the next. :)

hang fire …. be cool

Happy Weekend

One morning a girl, called her friend and said, "Please come over and help me, I have this awesome jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it".
The friend asked, "What is it a puzzle of?"
The girl said, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The friend figures that she's pretty good at puzzles so she heads on over the girl's house.
The girl lets her friend in the door and shows her where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. The friend studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box, and then she looks at the pieces again for a bit. The friend then turns to the girl and says, "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these pieces to look like the picture of that tiger. Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Where's my Shovel ???

It’s December 16, 2005, and a good old fashion winter storm has hit Montreal.

At eight o’clock this morning 20 cms had already fallen, with maybe 20 more on the way.

Traffic had come to a stand still & on the Met traffic was so slow that drivers had the time to exit their cars and brush off the white stuff.

My manager who lives in RDP was two hours in traffic and turned around to return home, first time in over 25 years that he has missed work because of snow.

The store opened late ( I’m on a day off Heheheheh ) and the mall is dead, even Santa hasn’t made it in yet.

As I look out the window I can see the river, almost, but no sign of the Mercier.

There is a car in the store across the street and it is snow covered except for the lights he left on.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas …..

Back in my Happy Place

There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did.
Various attempts were made to do something about the child. One person told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums. This reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar.
A second person told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions.
The third person offered the neighbours plugs for their ears; a fourth gave the boy a book; a fifth gave the neighbours books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; a sixth person gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and docile. None of these attempts worked.
Eventually, a wise person came along with an effective motivation. He looked at the situation, handed the child a hammer and chisel, and asked, "I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"
No more problem.

My Favorite Joke of 2005

A minister, a priest and a rabbi were enjoying the serenity of a country dipping pond.
Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."
As they were crossing an open area, a group of very old ladies from town approached them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied... "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my FACE that they would recognize."

Throwing the Switch

As I write this blog entry (December 12, 2005) at 8:36 PM a man Tookie Williams awaits execution, by lethal ejection in a Californian prison. He was found guilty of the killing of four people and judged by a “jury of his peers” as guilty. Soon he will be strapped into a gurney where a series of tubes will be introduced to his body. The first will put him to sleep (and will have a back up) the second will stop his breathing and a third will stop his heart and not much later he will be declared dead.

I guess the fair question here is..... what if one of the victims was a loved one of mine
My answer is what if that person who killed my loved one was a loved one of yours?, can you throw the switch or is revenge your goal

I guess his victims didn’t have the same opportunity not to suffer, but I am still at odds as to whether or not I could throw the switch to put a man to death & to close his eyes & heart for eternity.
I am not opposed to life terms (if they are indeed life terms) but to end a life ??? is that really my call. The Bible seems to have answers to this but I guess I am too simple to translate.

To the victims of Toogies killings, I am sorry, to Toogie, RIP

Oh Little Town of Bethlehem

Many years ago in my youth while I was attending Emanuel Baptist Church ( Pastor McLeod was delivering this sermon that day) and he spoke about leaving “Christ” out of Christmas.

To this day I can not write Xmas, and think of his sermon each time I see it.

I know that in this day & age it seems politically incorrect to wish someone a Merry Christmas. Unless I know you celebrate the season another way be prepared to indeed be wished a Merry Christmas. It was good enough for my family for years, no one was offended and they appreciated my salutations.

I live in North America and we for the most part we celebrate Christmas. I know, realize, & respect that there are many other holiday seasons at this time of year but PLEASE !!! Im a Christian and I wished you a Merry CHRISTMAS, the way I celebrate this time of year and I’m not sorry if I offended you by doing so, political correctness be damned.

So …. Put up a Christmas tree !!! send Christmas cards !!! Watch for Santa and cook me a well stuffed turkey, with mash potatoes, turnips, and PLEASE don’t forget the cranberry sauce. Mince pie & plum pudding for dessert, and perhaps a dry sherry to smooth the tummy
What can possibly be wrong with this picture?

So to one & all Merry Christmas

Happy Monday

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Yes Sir !!

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."

Ho Ho Ho

Far away in Santa's village, the not so jolly old guy was trying to get the final preparations done for his Christmas trip. Things had not been going too well as one of his best elves was ill with the flu, and toy production had fallen behind schedule. Two of his fastest reindeers were pregnant and another two had taken off into the forest. Santa was getting more and more frustrated by the minute.
Then Mrs. Claus announced that her mother was coming to stay for the holidays, this didn't help Santa's mood!! He stomped out to the sleigh shed and as he was loading the bags of toys, one of the runners split in two and the whole sleigh collapsed sending toys all over the ground.
Santa was not pleased and decided to go back into the house and have a nice cup of coffee and he went to add a dash of brandy but found that the elves had cleaned out the liquor cabinet. He was so angry that he banged the coffee pot down on the counter and it broke into a hundred pieces.
When he went to the cupboard to get the broom he found that the mice had eaten all of the straw from the broom. As he bent down to pick up the pieces of the broken pot the doorbell rang and he angrily strode off to see who it was, swearing a mile a minute.
When he opened the door, there stood the tiniest angel carrying a huge Christmas tree, and she said: "Santa, where do you want me to put this tree?"
And that folks is how the angel got to be on the top of the Christmas tree !!!!!!!

Fore !!!!!!!!

There are three golfers, Bob, Max, and Ted, who are looking for a fourth. Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer, so they decide to invite him for the following Saturday.
"Sure, I'd love to play," says George, "but I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me."
Saturday rolls around. Bob, Max, and Ted arrive promptly at 9:00 AM, and find George already waiting for them. He plays right-handed, and beats them all. Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if he'd like to play again the following Saturday.
"Yeah, sounds great," says George. "But I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me."
The following Saturday, again, all four golfers show up on time, but his time George plays left-handed, and beats them all. As they're getting ready to leave, George says, "See you next Saturday. But I may be about ten minutes late, so wait for me."
Every week from now on, George is right on time and plays great with whichever hand he decides to use. And every week, he departs with the same message. After a couple months, Ted is pretty tired of this routine, so he says, "Wait a minute, George. Every week you say you may be about ten minutes late, but you're right on time. You beat us either left-handed or right-handed. What's the story?"
"Well," George says, "I'm kind of superstitious. When I get up in the morning, I look at my wife. If she's sleeping on her left side, I play left-handed, and if she's sleeping on her right side, I play right-handed."
"So what do you do if she's sleeping on her back?" Bob asks.
"Then I'm about ten minutes late," George answers.

"Pampering" the Voters

A Canadian Liberal M.P.( Mark Holland) wants to introduce a private members bill to lower the voting age in Canada to sixteen.

Most at that age have just concurred puberty, and now he want to give them the “vote”

I don’t think at that age they should have a driver’s license, let alone the right to vote.

So if they can vote at sixteen, they can drink legally at sixteen ?

Can you say slippery slope?

http://www.votesat16.org.uk/news.php?story=110

hang fire .... be cool

But I Look Great in a Kilt

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus.

"He can play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix. The guitar man pays up his $50.

Another guy walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Louis Armstrong. The guy pays up his $50.

Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He puts them down and the octopus fumbles with them for a minute and then sits down with a confused look.

"Ha Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye canny plae it, can ye?"

The octopus looks up at him and says..."Play it??? I'm going to *#@# it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."

Happy almost Monday

A wife came home and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
The husband asked her what it was, and she told him there was water in the carburetor. The husband thought for a moment, then said, "You know, I don't mean this offensively, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburetor," she insisted.
"OK Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
And the wife replied, "In the lake."

Don't Mess up with my Mornings

Let me get this straight…..
The coffee is cold & the smoothies are warm.
`fess up Tim, the machines are busted !!

Liberals 1.... P.C. 0

Those of you who are reading this “blog” and have a fair command of the French language please be advised that if you extrapolate the last two letters of
G “ST” into a French word will understand my position.

Stevie (Mr. Harper) has promised to reduce the GST in his first year by 1% and a second 1% within five years (what a second term necessary ?)

Changing the GST costs business a fortune, and changing it a second time double that !!! … wake up

Steve, either scrap it or give us the 2% right away, who knows … maybe Peter will be able to afford new ties & shirts, ( Gawd I wish that that man could tie a knot )

And I just calculated if P.C. reduced the GST by 1% I could have saved .02195$ on my current bottle of Grand MacNish. Now I don’t need to win the 6/49