Hard to be a Cunuk........NOT !!

My heart throbbed, my heart stopped, my heart did double time……thanks Sid.
Canada won more gold medals then the rest of the world, cool huh??
.....And US you are #1 in hockey of all the world's losers
Canadian eh ??

Only in Canada you Say :)

http://thebiglead.com/index.php/2010/02/26/olympic-village-runs-out-of-condoms-buys-a-few-thousand-cases/

Oh Please !!

Ok, now I’ve had it with those who must be,
There are calls to reshape hotdogs so kids don’t choke on them. Are parents daft? If your kid is choking on a hotdog, break out the Kraft diner.
Montreal is the hotdog capital of Canada (with perhaps the dog stands out side Union Station in Toronto)
Dogs are one of the food groups here in Quebec !! change nothin !!

Ahhh That Feels Better

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back

with normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks

great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with

God?'

George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight,

so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go

to the bathroom, 'poof'!, the light goes on. When I'm done, 'poof''

the light goes off.' 'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says. A

little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. Ethel,' he

says, 'George is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe

of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the

night and 'poof'! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's

done, 'poof'! The light goes off?' 'OH MY GOD!' Ethel exclaims.

'He's peeing in the fridge again!!!!'.

Bless them thar Newfies

Smart-ass Americian tourist asks a Newfie:


"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the Newfie replies:

"Are you stunned bye ? - If they fell forwards they'd still be in the frigin boat."

A New T.V.

A man was deliberating over a new television and asked the young salesperson its country of origin. The clerk disappeared into the stockroom to look on the box.

On his return he announced to the customer that the television in question was "Built in Antenna."

恭喜發財

Kung Hei Fat Choi!

I didn't Know That

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.


2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls. (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)


3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.


4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.


5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.


6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle...


7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellip ses.


8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.


9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

Thoughts, Minutes Later

There once was a couple named Kelly.
Who had to walk belly to belly,
Because, in their haste,.
They used library paste,
Instead of petroleum jelly.

The Honeymoon

Paul and Mary get married But couldn't afford a honeymoon.
So they go back to Paul's Mom and Dad's house
For their first night together.


In the morning ,Johnny - Paul's little brother -
gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school - he asks his mom If Paul and Mary are up yet.

She replies - No.

Johnny asks - Do you know what I think ?

His mom replies - I don't want to hear What you think ! Just go to school.

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom -
Are Paul and Mary up yet ?
She replies - No.
Johnny says - Do you know what I think ?
His mom replies - Never mind what you think ! Eat your lunch and go back to school ..

After school - Johnny comes home and asks again -
Are Paul and Mary up yet ?
His mom says - No.
He asks - Do you know what I think ?
His mom replies - Ok - now tell me what you think

He says - Last night Paul came to my room for the Vaseline and I think..I gave him my super glue.













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Three Hail Marys

A woman takes her lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly; he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.


The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'


In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.


Boy: 'Dark in here...'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time,
Asks the boy, how much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'


A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'


The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'


The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.'


They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door...


The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that s&^% again; you're in my closet now!'

A good 'ol Kids Game

http://stuff.pyzam.com/toys/tictacscare.swf

Riddle me This

http://www.oldjoeblack.0nyx.com/thinktst.htm

Glug glug Glug

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

What's That Noise ?

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer. the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'
'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren .'

Thanks Doug