& I Thought I Had Problems

A man enters a Barber Shop for a shave.

While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"

eeew Ouch !!!

I’m not really sure how to start this entry, so I’ll spare you the details and cut to the quick. At my doctor’s exam yesterday it was discovered that I would need surgery to scrape the inside of my prostate. It is a procedure done via the penis and involves perhaps a two or three day hospital stay. I will be in the Verdun General Hospital hopefully sometime in September So cross your fingers.
For those of you familiar with it this discovery was made during a Cystoscopy
exam

http://www.webmd.com/hw/blood_disorders/hw210556.asp

http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/flexible_cystoscopy.html

Found It !!!

http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm

Shed a Tear

http://www.canada.com/montrealgazette/news/story.html?id=b06960a3-371b-4cf7-9839-80af4d4dd4d6&k=25372

But may God be with Mom too ...... Rest in peace Nicholas (just a little boy)
The photo here is of Nicolas's dad & 15 yo brother

A Toy is a Toy

Ok, I’ll keep it short before I get into more trouble. Now I’m not the store’s greatest salesperson, nor the second or third, but I do enjoying the experience. I often rely on humor as a communication method it puts both the customer and myself at ease (note that I am careful when I use it) Today however was an absolute hoot. The couple looking at digital cameras and I were discussing how much advancement digital cameras had made in just a few short years. I agreed, and wanting to say that cameras with only two or three megapixels had gone the way of the dodo ( as in the dodo bird) said that cameras of two or three megapixels had gone the way of the DILDO !!!. Well bottom line, sale made and three people who must have smiled the rest of the day.
Oh yes I sold an extra set of batteries 

Pop Quiz

Here’s a quickie
David Letterman of famed Late Night With David Letterman has maybe two or three guests a night. Each guest is “played on” to his seat beside Dave for his interview. Apparently a guest may choose the piece of music used to ‘play” him on I’ve thought about it and decided when I’m invited to New York to be with Dave I want Paul & the CBS band to play Still Crazy After All these Years ……… and you ?

Keith's T.V. Ten List

Favorite. Show : War at home
2nd: According to Jim
3rd: 3 & and a Half Men
Best Dressed Host: David Letterman
Coolest Dresser: Ellen Degeneres
Best News: Pulse
Stupitist show: Fear Factor
Best Commercial: The C.N.I.B.
Worst Commercial: Zellers (subject to change)
Most Missed cause I only have basic cable: CNN

Make a Difference

Well, got my new Quebec Health Care Card today, and with it the opportunity to sign a sticker to affix to the back of the card to allow my organs to be removed from me in case of death. It is my belief that a number of lives can be changed or even altered if I sign this release. It is beyond me why anyone wouldn’t sign this paper (religious beliefs excepted)
Why won’t someone sign this, (well greed, ignorance come to mind.) Maybe all your organs can’t be used….. so what maybe some can.
Reverse the tables what if you or someone you love could benefit if someone took the time to sign,
Sign the damn thing (and while I’m at it …. Give blood.)
hang fire …. be cool

Friends & Family Rule

Today the 13th of August will mark the one month anniversary of wearing a catheter
(Except for a few hours on the 27th of July)
The reasons are many & varied and frankly somewhat blurred. However the reasons include a nasty urine infection, which caused a minor kidney infection. I have been on three different antibiotics for the treatment of these ailments and continue to take Xatral to help shrink the symptoms of an enlarged prostate which may be the source of the problems.
I want o take this opportunity to thank a few people. I want to thank my brother Dave & his “best friend” Kathy for their unbelievable moral support. They live in Edmonton Alberta and their phone was always there to let me vent. Dave also had WestJet in sling shot position should a visit be necessary. I can’t leave thank-you s out with out mentioning Adam he was my chauffeur and confident many times. I also have to thank Armand who at a few hours notice made sure I got to a doctors appointment, and the obligatory visit to Tim Horton’s. Other members of the Masonic order were also just a phone call away. My thank-you s would not be complete without thanking the Blacks Team. I will not attempt to list names for fear of missing one. BUT I have to mention Clermont, my manager for his attention and understanding.(after all he did take care of the pay roll stuff)
I have a doctor’s appointment on Aug. 25th and I would appreciate if you all crossed your fingers for me.
Peace
hang fire …. be cool

Back to the '60's

Today I had lunch at a Montreal landmark. The Orange Julip on Decarie. This restaurant is like the old fashion drive-ins you see in the movies. In fact on a warm summer’s night waitresses on roller blades will come right to your car, and take care of your order. On Wednesday night along with the food and atmosphere, people with classic cars gather there and it’s a mini show. On Thursday night same deal only it’s muscle type stock cars.
Today I had a cheese burger all dressed (with a slice of onion, not chopped up stuff) fries and the classic Orange Julip drink. The meal can be enjoyed in your car or on the picnic tables that surround the huge orange ball. (which like the Great Wall of China can probably be seen from space) Ok from pretty far away.
The best part of the trip was the company, thanks Stacey

4 Words, Problem Solved

Fly naked, no carry-on

Can You Say Marketing ?

Those who know me even in passing, know that from time to time I enjoy a pizza pie

(Hey when was the last time you heard it referred to as a pizza pie)

Now I like my pizza almost anyway you want to serve it, as long as there isn’t too much cheese, which is sometimes difficult to communicate. But I digress, Today in the mail I received a notice from my local Dominos Pizza saying that it had been awhile since they had heard from me. Not only did they vane regret in not hearing from me BUT they offered me 5$ off my next order !!!! Guess what Im having for supper tonight.

Okay.............3

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.

Just to see what would happen, on Christmas, their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken," answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

:) 2 in a Row :)

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezed, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then shuddered quite violently in her seat. The man went back to his reading.


A few minutes passed. The woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently in her seat. The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently.

The man had finally had all he could handle. He turned to the woman and said, "You've sneezed three times, you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose, then shuddered violently! Are you all right?"

The woman replied, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man was feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looked at him and said, "Pepper."

Gotta keep Smiling (or at least try)

One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?" After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up. "Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked. The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

* New Feature *

I’ve decided that on the 6th of every month to post a web site I think would be informative, maybe fun, or just down right wow !!
August’s site is:
www.dpreview.com
It’s a site dedicated to the latest in digital photograph and technology.

Amazing

Today I went to the SAAQ to renew my drivers license, and by extension my Medi care card.. The young lady at the counter asked me if I drove a motorcycle. A strange question I thought. Then I remembered that my license (which I’ve had since The Dead Sea was only sick) included the right to drive a motorcycle (automatic at the time of issue) The lady informed that in 2007 having a motorcycle licence could escalate in cost.
Isn’t it great when the government wants to save a tax payer money?

Wrong End

A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. When the man sat down and began observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to the doctor's desk. A tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove and a beer.

When the doctor finally came in, the man said "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"

At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Darnit, nurse! I said A BUTT LIGHT."