Back to the Polls

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came up on a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu:

Broiled Missionary: $20.00
Fried Explorer: $30.00
Baked Politician: $100.00


The cannibal called the cook over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"

Just Sick

This has to stop.
Last night a lady (on her birthday) was killed while walking her dog. The lady was in a wheelchair, the driver was twice over the legal limit and this will be his ninetieth convection!!!!
It was a hit & run He was found eight kilometers, in a ditch.
He should spend many years in jail and never be issued a license again.
http://www.cjad.com/news/565/814098

Time for Indian Summer

Today around six o’clock I had to go to the front cash for a price check. To my dismay I looked out our fairly large windows that look out to the parking lot, only to discover that is was dark, not sunset nor dusk BUT dark “put your head lights on type dark”
Yesterday snow tires, today darkness around six, can’t be far from snow blowers in the streets!!

I gotta go to my Happy Place

Oh boy, today I purchased winter tires for my car. Not because I needed tires (I’ve driven on for season tires for over a decade.)but the government of Quebec in their omnipotent wisdom declared that all vehicles in the province be equipped with winter rubber.
This a boondoggle for the powers that be, not only will they collect taxes on all these tire purchases BUT I had to pay three dollars per tire (it’s called a recycle tax, even though I am not disposing of anything) Then of course they will collect funds from tickets issued to those who are not using winter wear.
I purchased the least expensive (at 102$. + tax + recycle charges + GST + PST ) (and PST is calculated after GST is added) So my total invoice is 460.53$, installation and balancing included.
What I kinnda need now is a place to store my summer tires.
All being said after next Wednesday at one thirty, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
Wasn't there a time when we only needed two winter tires? I rest my case a boondoggle !!
http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourview/2007/12/quebec_first_province_to_make.html

X Marks the Spot

A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him, "Doc, I think I'm obsessed with sex."

"Well, let's do a few tests," the doctor says. He draws a square on a piece of paper and asks the man to identify it. The man immediately says, "Sex."

Next the doctor draws a circle, which the man again identifies as "sex." Then the doctor draws a triangle, which, of course, the patient identifies as "sex."

The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the patient, "Yes, I believe you have an obsession with sex."

To which the man replies, "I'm not the one with the obsession! You're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"

Look Ma no Cavities

An army major was visiting sick soldiers in hospital. "What's your problem soldier?" he asked.

"Chronic syphilis, Sir."

"What treatment are they giving you?"

"Five minutes with a wire brush every day, sir!"

"And what's your ambition?"

"To get back to the front, sir!"

The major moved on to the next bed. "And what's your problem, soldier?"

"Chronic diarrhoea, sir!"

"What treatment are they giving you?"

"Five minutes with a wire brush every day, sir!"

"And what's your ambition?"

"To get back to the front, sir!"

The major moved to the next bed. "And what's your problem, soldier?"

"Chronic gum disease, sir!"

"What treatment are they giving you?"

"Five minutes with a wire brush every day, sir!"

"And what's your ambition?"

To which the soldier replied, "To get the wire brush before the other two, sir!"

My X

I voted for the Canadian National elections today at the advanced poll on Orchard Street today.
There appears to be an alarming amount of people who were not prepared to provide the necessary documentation. The rules have changed and I forecast It appears that a Canadian passport is not sufficient as a passport although provides A address is might not be current. I brought my drivers license and even my most recent cable bill.
The crowd at the advance poll was minimal but I can see disaster on Oct 14th.
As organized as Elections Canada has been in the past, watch out we’re in for a ride in a week !!.
Oh who did I vote for? Well I’m not green nor am do I know what a Marxist Leninist is I have in the past voted Liberal. At any rate the lady I voted for had a great name !!

50th

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together.
Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their
honor.

'Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,' gushed son number one .... 'Sorry I'm
running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know
how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.'

'Not to worry,' said the father. 'The important thing is that we're all
together today.'

Son number two arrived and announced, 'You and Mom look great, Dad. I just
flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop
for you.'

'It's nothing,' said the father, 'We're glad you were able to come.'

Just then the daughter arrived, 'Hello and happy anniversary! I'm sorry, but
my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn't
have time to get you anything.'

After they had finished dessert, the father said, 'There's something your
mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were very
poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout
the years your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much, but we
just never found the time to get married.'

The three children gasped and all said, 'You mean we're bastards?'

'Yep,' said the father. 'And cheap ones too.'