Bada Bing, Bada Boom

The Elderly Driver

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman said, "May I see your license?" The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave him her license.

The patrolman said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled, "He thinks he knows you!"

A New 1st

I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d make a blog entry like this. As you have I have made donations to causes, bought chocolate bars for school bands, and purchased Girl Guide cookies.

And so this entry begins.

Near the punch clock at work there was a 8.5x11 piece of paper asking for donations of used braziers, for the Cancer Society, I imagine to do with the mammary program. Money was not requested. Now I am not a bold man, but I thought this was a rather concrete request so with my heart in my throat I asked a few of my female friends for help. I was able to obtain over ten bras. When I gave them to Diane (the requester) she was somewhat shocked, I was the only male to act upon the plea, many of the women helped, some forgot about it (how sad)

Happy Breakfast

One morning a girl, called her friend and said, "Please come over and help me, I have this awesome jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it".

The friend asked, "What is it a puzzle of?"

The girl said, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

The friend figures that she's pretty good at puzzles so she heads on over the girl's house.

The girl lets her friend in the door and shows her where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. The friend studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box, and then she looks at the pieces again for a bit. The friend then turns to the girl and says, "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these pieces to look like the picture of that tiger. Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Dental Quickie

A patient asked his dentists, "I have yellow teeth. What should I do?"

Replied the dentist, "Wear a brown tie."

Summer Tires

Today was a good day. I got my tires switched back to my summer rubber.The price(49.95$) was decent and I earned 4 Airmile points.

The better part was though,is while I was waiting for my car another client had some work done and didn’t have an Airmiles card and offered them to me. He had a healthy bill and I scored an additional 16 points.

Airmiles gives 1 point/15$

I also get a few points at work as I purchase merchandise every day I work, it all adds up. Now if I could find a way to leave my card at the cash

I better buy a lotto ticket

Shave & a Haircut.....

A man enters a Barber Shop for a shave.


While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"

A Visual Groaner (stolen from Doug Brookes)