Happy Monday

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,
"Um......... I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

Lets Wrap :)

A Canadian politician, who’s name and party affiliation escapes me at the time of writing ( please let me know if you remember ) has declared that rapper 5o Cent
(pronounced Fiddy Sense ( I believe) ) should not be allowed to present the Canadian leg of his current tour.
Imagine our multi million dollar gun control program did nothing, Canada doesn’t see fit to arm the border personnel with arms, yet banning this musician from performing in Canada will help quell the fires of gun violence in this country.
I admire the group / man?? 50 Cents, you see never before have I seen a group put what I would pay to see them in the name of the band.

hang fire .... be cool

Getting Your Week-End Started

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do you know this, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so."
"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no!" said the bartender, "It's not that Nun again is it?"

A Great Site

Ok .... from time to time I've decided to share some of my favorite sites here is #1
http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/159572/
I hope you can all get it .

hang fire .... be cool

Snow Tires ???

I woke up around 6:30 today and slowly made my way awake till I left the apartment around 7:45, a light drizzly snow made its way from the heavens to the hood of my car.
The usual five minute drive to board highway 20 took about thirty minutes, damn trucks & people turning where they shouldn’t
The snow got heavier & heavier in direct proportion drivers got dimmer and dumber. I’ll never understand what makes the first quasi storm of the season turn folks into idiots. There was even a thirty plus vehicle pile up on the Forty
Anyway ….. I got to the store around 9:10, and ya think the world as we know it had come to an end….Keith had arrived late!!
Oh well as the French say “bite moi”

A Wednesday HaHa

When he forgot his wedding anniversary, a husband was in very big trouble. There were some heated words and ice cold silence.
Before retiring for the night, his wife broke the silence and firmly told him "Tomorrow you better have something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat".
When the wife looked outside the next morning, she found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for this Saturday

Something Evil This Way Comes

This morning for the first in awhile I had to scrape the car windows of an early morning frost. Now like most Canadians at this time of year my scrappers, shovel & snowbrush are safely stored with my winter boots, thank goodness my Visa card was handy

Tomorrow however I will be prepared.

Tomorrow around nine or ten A. M., we are expecting the start of a ten cm snowstorm with winds out of the northeast, this is gonna be fun .

hang fire …. be cool

Forty-Two Years Ago

Tomorrow is November 22nd
So you’re scratching your noggin???? November 22nd???
OK the year was 1963, still lost?
It was the date in Texas when President Kennedy was assassinated.
Now those of us over fifteen could probably tell exactly where you were and what you were dong when you heard the news. much like you could tell me where you were and what you were doing when the events of 9-1-1 took place.
I think this was the largest history event to take place in my life up to that time.
I was sitting in geography class with Brian Cross, working on a team project. The principal Mr. Patrick came to the class room to tell us he had been shot.
By the time I had made the way home to Osborne Avenue, he had succumbed to the attack.
The world grew strangely quiet for the next few days and things seemed they would never return to normal.
A few days later his supposed assassin was murdered live on network television.
So …… where were you?

hang fire …. be cool

http://fusionanomaly.net/kennedylincolnsynchronicities.html

An Extra Monday Joke

A man went skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seemed like days, he was ready to go. Excited, he jumped out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulled the ripcord. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still nothing. He started to panic, but remembered his back-up chute. He pulled that cord. Nothing happened. He frantically began yanking both cords to no avail.
Suddenly he looked down, and he couldn't believe his eyes. Another man was in the air with him, but this guy was going up! Just as the other guy passed by, the skydiver yelled, "HEY, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SKYDIVING?"
The other guy yelled back, "NO! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT GAS STOVES?"

Joke de Monday

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher was surprised, but realized this was an opportune moment to help a child. "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" she asked.
"No, ma'am," Johnny replied, "but I hated to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Joke du Week

Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbour said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, and then replied, "That's because he's still inside your stupid cat."

....Day 3

On Sunday afternoon I could feel “it” starting to take-over my body. Later that day I was horizontal on my couch and so tired.
I awoke Monday morning around five and my innards felt that they were not in their respective places. At seven-thirty I called work and informed them that I would not be able to play store. By ten thirty my body was using most of it’s orifices to eliminate, unwanted matter. Most of the day (this portion has been edited for good taste & the squeamish)
consisted of sitting in the smallest room of the apartment or sleeping
Tuesday came and I was actually feeling better, till around eleven (Tuesday is my day off so…) then the second cycle of discomfort started. I phoned people where I was to participate in rather important event that I could not attend. This event was to be a rather long night so I had booked today as a vacation day.
Well it’s almost eleven AM today and while I feel ok (for now ) I am completely zapped of any energy I need.
Tomorrow should be interesting

Hang fire …. be cool

Joke du Thursday

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother,
"Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said,
"Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

Pierre Would Love It ( and laugh )

What a great site …..

On my way hone from work today, there above the lines of east bound traffic, on Hwy 20 were the signs pointing the way to the airport, not Dorval Airport BUT P.E. Trudeau Airport.

Now I’m not disturber, (as in the purpose of Exlax) but it thrilled to tears that this may be annoying (a polite way of saying pissing off ) some separatists.
Ya see, .....cause if the airport had been renamed Rene Levesque Airport or FLQ International or the Pepsi Flying Place,
Transport Quebec trucks would have been on the roads in a moments notice and the workers toiling for free to make the changes!!!

Ok maybe I’m a tad paranoid but what a blow for federalism.

Now we just have to see if our new G.G. stands- up for the signing of God Save the Queen. For those of you who may not be aware when she took her oath of office she refused to do so on the Bible, (only a tradion since the Dead Sea was only sick ) sighting she was an atheist

Keith for P.M. !!!
or even a senator.

hang fire …. be cool

$#%##@$

OMG
When I got home tonight I went immediately to see if they heating in the living room had been repaired …………it hadn’t
But then I noticed that my coffee table was soaked!!!! You got it the ceiling is leaking again, and of course no sign of Luis

Joke du Week

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.
On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"
She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot.
"Hey, lady!" it said.

"Yes?"


"You know."