Every year, Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair. And every year, Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year, Martha would reply, "I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance. "

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Stumpy and Martha agreed, and up they went.

The pilot performed all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He even does a nose dive, pulling up 15 feet above the ground, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, ...but ten dollars is ten dollars!"

Lotto….What Lotto ?

I think I’ve got it.

It was announced today that the Canadian Federal government was in a huge fiscal surplus situation

Ok…. Ok, here’s my plan the Canadian government should give every tax paying Canadian one million dollars.

Wait, hear me out.

No more poverty, a larger Canadian tax payer base, the “richest” country in the world, and we make him King Steven or even Queen Steven if that’s what he wanted.

Write your MP, it will be great!!!

Oh ya and who the heck is that on the million dollar bill?

Quack Quack

A duck walked into the pharmacy and asked the druggist for some condoms. The druggist looked at him, then went and got the condoms, put them in a bag, and asked, "Do you want these on your bill?"

The duck answered, "What kind of a duck do you think I am?"

An Eleven Month Year

Its official in 2008 there will be no September.

Earlier this week I was preparing a blog entry of how, for a change my Septembers were going better then I got released from Centre Hi Fi on Sat.(ok fired for not knowing electronics well enough, one would have thought that would have come up in the interview) but I digress

In 2005 (September) when I got home from vacation my apartment ceiling had to be replaced a watery dusty mess.

In 2006 (September) I went through my prostate operation

So in 2008 if its all right with everyone I have eliminated September from my calendar.

On the other hand it was a September when I met my Mom, Dad, and brother,

There was a little old lady, who every morning stepped onto her front porch,raised her arms to the sky, and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"

One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell, "THERE IS NO LORD!"

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day. One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!"

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there. "PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out, "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!"

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted, "HA! HA! THERE IS NO LORD I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!"

….And the Pipes Played Amazing Grace

Very soon the sun will guild the skies over where I sit here in LaSalle, as well as over the skies of NYC. Six years ago the same sun rose over the same skies but our world would not be the same. Life as we knew it changed dramatically. Trust for one another would alter, love of our fellow man, became shadowed.

A terrible man with terrible followers executed several acts of terror that would be indelibly imprinted on our minds for ever.

Like the death of President Kennedy or the murder of John Lennon we all remember where we were when we heard the news. I was home on my day off, chatting on line with friends in the Philippians. Communications as they were I became the correspondent to my friend there, giving almost a play by play as I watch the events on CNN

As I was chatting to Scot who was in the lab at Astral (where there was no TV or radio) the second plane hit the towers.

I remember watching the towers collapse and was horrified as people jump to their certain death from stories far above the ground.

The number of people who died is in the thousands, the heart ache of others in the millions.

Years later the conspiratresses have, with their twenty-twenty hind vision have solved it all. It is the fault of the American government.

Today I care little where the blame is placed. Today my heart is with the loved ones who are left to grieve as a result of this horrific day in history.

Go about your day as it demands, but take a moment and bow your head and whisper a little prayer, to the Great Architect as you perceive him to be. Hug your mate as he / she leaves the house….for they may not walk back into your life.

Osama Ben Laden you are a boil on backside of mankind

Then last year, and a few days later and some misdirected nutcase went into Dawson College and killed Anastisa DeSousa and injured many.

Given history (look at my past entries) I’m beginning to really hate September.

Mmmmmmmmm a Close Shave

A man enters a Barber Shop for a shave.

While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"

Go Granny Go

It’s strange how things work.

I have no idea why I remember but today would have been my Granny Shaw’s birthday. She was a magic women on her 80th birthday the family sent her to Miami, where she survived a hurricane.

She lived with her daughter in Pt. St. Charles, and every year the family Christmas party was there. The meal was superb and I’m sure she was supervising the cooking. Turkey, smashed potatoes , and the usual veggies. and desserts

She loved a dram of scotch ( God bless her !!!)

As I remember my Grandfathers name was Thomas I wish I had got to meet him.


I called both my Grandmothers, Granny and Granny Shaw was very cool, but then again Granny Bussey had a dog !!!

Perhaps another reason I remember is that I knew that not long after her birthday it would be mine

Blah Blah Blah

It’s an anniversary today/

Two years ago today Keiththoughts were born. Since then there have been tons of entries and a few jokes (many stolen from www.peteranthonyholder.com) I have also gone through a computer, a monitor and a set of speakers.

I write when the urge strikes and often fire from the hip & heart.

I am surprised at the number people who read “me” and love getting the comments.

It is also a personal challenge to find my site of the month for the sixth.

If you are a regular reader here, thanks.


Year three …..here we go

God Bless Technology

I procured (bought) a new Universal remote today. A major purchase at 22.95$ or as a staff purchase 12.00 $ plus tax. I feel Universal tonight, but still remote

Gotta Love Customs

After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, a man was alarmed when the female official decided to open them up and check.


In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his socks was a bottle of cognac.

"Nothing to declare but clothing, eh?"

"Right," the man extemporized. "That, madam, is my nightcap."

Lady…..Want my Seat ??

I am going on my first month now of traveling on the bus and metro to and from work.
The bus is amazing, if I’m not asleep. Where I get on the bus it is close to the start of the line so I usually manage to get a seat. I usually sit on the back bench near the window, less chance of being sat upon. People who join me on the ride to Angrignon Metro are varied and well…varied. One lady I see almost on a daily basis gets on the bus with a double stroller (both seats occupied) a shoulder baby carrier (also occupied) a back sack, and another type of bag I suppose to carry baby stuff. Despite the fact that it is rush hour no one on board seems perturbed at the space she seems to be taking up.

When we get to the Metro there are at least six people giving out two free news papers, most people seems to take one or both.

The Metro is another experience, trains run about three minutes apart and every station is announced prior to arrival and again announced as we ease into the station. I usually announce along with the recording (in my head of course.)

By the time I get to my station (Guy Concordia) we are usually packed cheek to jowl, but because I get on at the start of the voyage again there is normally a place to sit. I sit in the lead car as this is ideal for exiting when we stop, and close to an exit door.

Often there is a drum player greeting travelers and shilling for spare change and at the second escalator an other man wearing a sign wishing that we all be blessed by God, and any spare money we could give me would help as he is a blind Vietnam War vet.

Then I take the 165 bus which winds it’s way up Mount Royal past, the Cote des Neiges Cemetery, the Montreal General Hospital and the Jewish General Hospital.

I debark at Barclay cross the street then off to try and sell big screen televisions.

The trip home is like the trip there only backwards.

A Bit Early

I said I would bring you the site of the month on the 6th of the month. As this is my blog I have decided to exercise quasi “poetic license” and decided to bring you the site of the month early.
The Beatles, wow half of them are dead !!!

http://www.replaythebeatles.com